


I'll follow you into the dark

by potanio



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad Parenting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Reincarnation, achilles plays the guitar, also achilles has really long hair, and pat is generally confused, not that angsty though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 05:25:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13287930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potanio/pseuds/potanio
Summary: Even though Pat has never met the mysterious boy before, he somehow feels as if he already knows  him. His name is Achilles, as he  later finds out and he's an atlethe and the most popular guy at school. But as they begin to spend more time together he also realises that he are very troubled and plays the guitarr.He wonders who the real Achilles are, and why the feelings of rememberance still hasn't disappeared?





	I'll follow you into the dark

**Author's Note:**

> i'm in love with the song of achilles, and i've wanted to write something for it a long time! it also turned into some sort of birthday gift for a friend of mine along the way and i hope you like it (and even if you didn't please tell me that you did because i have a very fragile soul...) title is taken from the song with the same name by death cab for cutie, which i think fits pat and achilles very nicely

The first time Pat saw him was underneath the big oak tree, where he was hiding from the suns way to fiery beams. He was surrounded by a few other boys and Pat couldn’t help but wonder how someone could fit in that well with a group of people, but at the same time not at all. His hair was long and golden while the others were short and dark. The other boys were very masculine, tall and broad while he was lean in comparison with features on the edge of being feminine.

He still laughed with the other boys though as they playfully pushed each other’s shoulders. But, when he thought that no one was paying attention, he’d almost look… sad.

He was beautiful, but that wasn’t the why reason why Pat was staring.

He felt as if he knew him.

But from where, Pat simply couldn’t remember. They might have gone to the same school once, or maybe he was a long forgotten childhood friend? However, this was Pat’s first day in this new city and the possibility of someone from his old school being here was very small. He also never really had any friends when he was younger, so it couldn’t be that either.

His memories of this strange boy were like having a dream as clear as the day, but the moment you woke up it was gone and the more you tried to remember it, the faster it would trickle through your fumbling hands.

Pat knew that he should probably just let it be and head towards his next lecture instead, but he was somehow unable to leave. He was almost captured by the boy, and couldn’t break free until he’d solve the mystery behind him.

Well, that was until the said boy caught his gaze and Pat realized that he’d been busted.

How typical of him. He hadn’t even spent one single day at this school and he would already be known as the weird staring guy. This certainly weren’t how he’d wanted things to go, and he felt like sinking into the ground to forever disappear.

But then something unexpected happened. The boy smiled towards him, and nodded his head towards the tree as a way to ask him to join them. Pat felt confused, and he couldn’t really understand what had happened or how he was supposed to act. One thing he knew for sure though was that he wasn’t mentally prepared for this right now, so he simply just gave the guy an apologetic frown before quickly heading back to safety.

But the thought of the boy remained in the back of his head for the rest of the day, and no matter how hard he tried to push it away, he was unable to get it out.

 

* * *

 

 

After a few weeks at the new school, Pat came to the conclusion that it was considerably better than his previous one. The students here minded their own business for the most of the time, and didn’t really pay him any unwanted attention. That was something that Pat really didn’t mind, since his old one had mostly consisted of never ending rumors behind his back and pushes as he walked through the corridors.

Another advantage with this school was that he actually managed to make a friend.

Her name was Brisesis, but she preferred being called Bri. Bri was in his Biology class, and after only a few days she’d seated herself beside him, mentioning that her other friends was being unusually irritating today. Pat knew that it wasn’t the real reason why she chose to spend time with him, and that she probably did it because he didn’t have anyone else.

On the other hand, he didn’t really mind because after spending some time together they slowly began to realize that they actually had a lot in common. They were for example both interested in different cultures and botany, which isn’t the most common hobby to have. Bri was usually calm and down to earth, but she was at the same time confident and not afraid to speak her mind. Pat truly respected her for that, and he liked to hang out with her.

He’d still see the mysterious boy from time to time, often surrounded by big groups of people. At first, Pat had hoped that the weird Déjà vu would disappear or that he’d eventually be able to remember who he was, but that never happened. The lingering feeling that he somehow knew him simply wouldn’t go away.

He was currently standing by his locker, talking to another boy in a sport jersey. Today his long hair was loosely braided, with an exception of some curls that had started to rebel. Pat knew that he should feel embarrassed for his insolent staring, but he really couldn’t help it.

Pat was spending his break with Bri, and he felt a bit guilty when she tapped his shoulder to make sure that he was actually going to pay attention to what she was saying. It wasn’t like he didn’t care, but Pat had always been a dreamer and sometimes his mind would wander away before he had time to realize what was going on. It was especially difficult when he was around.

"His name is Achilles, if you wondered." Bri said, and now she had his full attention.

Pat could feel how his cheeks began to grow hot. He really wasn’t discreet, was he?

"What do you mean?" he answered in a weak attempt to play innocent. But, what he didn’t mention though was that no matter how crazy it may sound, he somehow felt as if he’d already known his name. He just hadn’t recalled it until now.

Bri crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, but Pat could see how the corners of her mouth were pulling in a smile, clearly entertained. "Come on, you know exactly what I mean. You’ve literally been pining after him since I first met you!"

Pat was just about to deny it until he caught Bri’s strong and direct stare, and he knew that trying would be pointless. Instead, he once again looked towards Achilles who was still talking with the other boy. Pat got a bad taste in his mouth, and he really hoped that Achilles hadn’t heard anything of what they’d been saying.

"Do you know him?"

Bri shrugged. "Kind off, we’ve had a few classes together. He’s one of the more popular kids here, if not the most. But he’s still okay though, he doesn’t let the popularity get to his head."

Pat nodded at this and began to nonchalantly fumble with his sleeves, as if he didn’t absorb every single word that she said.

"Umm, what else is there to say…? He’s an athlete, and a pretty damn good one as well. However, I honestly don’t think that he wants to be."

Pat hated how that only made him more interested in Achilles; even if he knew that the best thing to do would probably be to just forget about it. He was way out of his league, and Pat once again tried to convince himself that the weird recognition he felt was nothing more than a strange coincidence. So why was it so difficult for him to not turn his head around every time he could hear Achilles laugh in the background, or feel a tug of jealousy when other people clung by his side?

"Hey, do you want me to introduce you guys?" Bri suddenly asked, and Pat could feel how his heart dropped.

"You really don’t need to do that…"He quickly began, but he soon realized that it was no use. When Bri had gotten an idea in her head, it was almost impossible to get it out and he didn’t want to be the person to try to hinder her.

The other boy had left and Achilles was now alone by his locker, packing some books into his backpack as Bri called him over. He was smiling as he walked towards them with light, almost skipping steps. Pat felt like deer caught in the headlight, and he wanted to hide.

But even though he felt very ill at ease, he still felt a bit thankful to Bri for introducing them. Talking to people had never really been his strong side, and he knew in his heart that he’d probably never find the courage to talk to him on his own, no matter how deeply he wanted to get to know him. Because even if Pat didn’t really try to make friends and often felt as if he was better off on his own, he felt as if he had some sort of connection to Achilles. How, he didn’t really know but he wanted to find out.

All he could do now was to try his best to not mess this up.

"Hey Bri, what’s up?"

"Not much, I’ve just had calculus with Jefferson. Man, you made the right choice to not continue with the course because Jefferson is boring as hell. I mean, even having a sloth as a teacher would be more interesting." Bri answered, and looked mildly satisfied when Achilles laughed. "This is Pat by the way, he’s new here.”

"Hi Pat, nice to meet you!" Said Achilles and nodded his head as a greeting.

Pat smiled, a bit too uncomfortably for his own liking, before answering: ”You too, Achilles was it?"

"So, what do you think about this place so far then?" Achilles asked. Even if Achilles seemed genuinely happy, there was still a subtle pensive look on his face. Pat wondered if it was because he recognized him from the day by the oak tree. He concluded that it was probably the case. Achilles didn’t bring it up though, and Pat was thankful for that. That incident still made him feel embarrassed, and he didn’t want to make this more awkward than it already was.

"I suppose that it’s okay so far, the science lab is certainly an upgrade from my previous school." He said, glad that he didn’t stumble over his words as he usually did. The first sentences in a conversation are always the most difficult ones he’d come to realize.

Achilles tilted his head a little bit and grinned. "You’re a science major then, I assume?"

"Oh, I’m actually a nursing major. I kind of prefer helping people over mixing chemicals together."

"That’s cool!" Achilles answered, and it seemed as if it was his honest opinion. The reaction surprised Pat a bit, since most people treated nursing as something easy and useless. He had gotten so used to having to defend himself that he didn’t really know what to do next.

"What about you?" He finally asked after a few seconds of hesitativeness.

"I haven’t picked a major yet, but I guess I’m on the track team if that’s what you’re asking."

There it was again, that absent expression. It had seemed as if Bri had been on the right track about Achilles not really wanting to be an athlete. But even though Pat knew that there still was more to the story, he didn’t push the subject any further. Achilles was clearly uncomfortable, so Pat decided that the best thing to do would be to just let it go.

But then the expression disappeared as quickly as it’d appeared. Pat wasn’t sure if Achilles simply got over it, or if he just neatly hid his feelings where they couldn’t be seen.

"Sorry, but I have to get going now. It was cool to finally meet you though, I was actually just wondering if you’d finally decide to talk to me or if I’d just have to do it myself! See you later, you to Bri!" Achilles winked and left before Pat really had time to process what had happened.

When he finally realized what Achilles had meant, he was luckily far away from earshot because Pat buried his bright red face in his hands and groined. That Bri was shamelessly laughing about it did in fact not make the situation any better.

 

* * *

 

 

When Achilles began to hang out with him after that, Pat thought that there had been some sort of mistake. It appeared as if the other students thought so as well, because why would the best athlete at school hang out with a nobody, someone that didn’t even have more than two friends?

At first Pat figured that it was all some sort off joke, that he had somehow ended up in an episode of hidden camera and sooner or later a camera man would jump out from behind a pillar to yell _"surprise!"_ and _"you didn’t actually think he was your friend, did you?_ "

But that never happened, and he figured out that Achilles genuinely liked spending time with him.

Pat really liked spending time with Achilles as well.

Because here’s the thing; Achilles so was much more than just some popular guy. He was kind, funny and a great listener. For even if he was well aware of his talents and popularity, he was never self-absorbed. He was on the contrary very humble and truly cared about other people.

But the thing Pat liked the most about Achilles was that even though he seemed to be perfect, he still had flaws and deeply hidden secrets. It reminded Pat that Achilles was after all just as human as he was, and that was something he found comfort in.

It was something that even made all the unwanted attention that came with him almost worth it.

The Déjà vu he felt still hadn’t disappeared though, and Pat still couldn’t figure out from where he knew him. Of course, he could have easily asked Achilles if they had ever met before, or have a way to deep and analytic discussion with Bri about what it might mean. But it felt personal somehow, and Pat decided that it was something he wanted to keep to himself.

Because, Pat slowly came to realize that he kind of liked those moment.

The way Achilles beautiful hair would gracefully fall over his shoulders when he pulled it out from his hair bun, and how Pat had to use all his self-control to not allow himself to run his fingers through it.

_(It had been shorter back then, he thought)_

The familiar twitch he’d felt in his chest when Achilles one cloudy day confessed that he actually played the guitar in his free time.

_(Even if Pat had a strong feeling that it’d been a lyre)_

The way he’d throw his apples as high up in the air as he possibly could without dropping them before he’d take a bite, looking satisfied that he managed to catch it.

_(Because Achilles never dropped them, not even when they’d once been figs)_

But no matter how much he liked the vaguely repeated memories, they always followed with a taste of something bittersweet. Something that he so badly wanted, but was always a bit too far out of his reach.

Besides, the feelings he already felt towards Achilles was difficult enough to deal with as they were. That’s why Pat unwillingly learned how to push the weird remembrance far into the back of his mind, where it wouldn’t bother him as much and he could just pretend as if it didn’t exist.

Another thing that Pat really appreciated about Achilles was that he was almost as easily distracted as he was. They’d often be just as comfortable sitting in silence, wrapped up in their own thoughts as they’d be when they talked; because even if Achilles did his best not to show it, he wasn’t talkative and positive all of the time. He was on the contrary rather troubled, and there were things that he kept to himself. They were quite alike in that way.

All in all, spending time with Achilles made him feel warm inside, a comfortable familiarity that he never wanted to end.

In that way, his friendships between Achilles and Bri were very different, and it was especially noticeable when they’d spend time together all three of them. Since they already knew each other from earlier, Pat had thought that it wouldn’t be that big of a problem for all of them to hang out together. But, he’d been wrong.

The times they spent together were awkward, and the conversations felt forced. It even reached a point when Achilles began to act a bit cold toward Bri, something that he’d never seen before, and never wanted to see again either.

He decided to ask Bri how she felt about it, and try to find out if anything had happened between them that he didn’t know about. "No, it doesn’t really bother me. Like, I know why he does it, so it’s okay" Bri had answered.

Pat asked her why he did it then, and Bri had just let out a chuckle while she lifted her right eyebrow in a very typical Bri kind of way. "You do know that he’s kind of in love with you, right?"

 

* * *

 

 

They were currently spending the Saturday afternoon in Pat’s apartment. Well, of course, apartment was kind of an overstatement. His apartment consisted of one small room, an even smaller kitchen and a bathroom all in a very bad condition. The wallpapers were in shreds, and he’d spent way too much time putting up posters in order to hide the flaws.

It wasn’t much. But when he thought about it, he didn’t really need anything else.

Especially now when he had Achilles sitting next to him, softly strumming a calm melody on his guitar. It hadn’t surprised Pat the slightest when it turned out that Achilles was extremely talented at playing the guitar, and that the majority of the songs he played he’d written himself. But Achilles often acted as if it wasn’t anything special, and he often treated it as some unnecessary hobby instead of something he actually cared about. But Pat noticed the soft expression Achilles had when he’d play, the one so full of love and pleasance. It was so very different from the empty, made-pretend one he had when he was talking about his track practices that it almost hurt.

Pat didn’t believe the words Achilles said, and he knew deep down that neither did he. Achilles didn’t love track near as much as he loved playing the guitar, and he never wanted the role as the school hero. So why did he pretend that he did?

They’d been sneaking around this subject for months now, careful to not break the thin ice that they were walking on because they were both afraid of what might be lurking underneath, the consequences of what might happen when their bodies would hit the cold water for the first time.

That might also have been one of the reasons why Pat didn’t dare to name the overwhelming feelings he felt for Achilles, even if he’d somewhere on the way figured out what they meant.

But no matter if we want them to or not, things do change as time passes by. Sometimes it’s for the better and sometimes it’s for the worse, but there are places in life when you simply just have to take the risk, regardless of the consequences. Though wasn’t quite ready to confess his feelings, there were other things that he no longer wanted to go unsaid. All he could do now was to hope that the ice wouldn’t break.

"Achilles, can I ask you a question?"

Achilles stopped playing, and the silence made the anticipation even worse. "Yeah, go ahead.” He answered and pushed a strand of hair that’d been covering his eyes behind his ear.

"You…" Pat began, but the words got stuck in his throat. He decided to give it another try. "Why do act as if you like your track practices? I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but you don’t really like it, do you? "

Achilles froze, and the warmness that usually surrounded him disappeared. But his reaction hadn’t been as bad as Pat had expected it to be. It seemed as if Achilles somehow had known that this question should no longer be avoided as well.

"Because I’m supposed to.” He answered with a voice that sounded as if he was reading the words straight from a manuscript.

The voice made Pat feel ill at ease, and he didn’t want to pressure Achilles to talk about it anymore. But he also knew that they couldn’t really turn back now, so instead he decided to ask: "Who tells you that you’re supposed to?”

Achilles became if possible even more expressionless at this, and Pat could see how he clenched the bed’s sheets so tightly that his hands almost turned his usually sun kissed skin pale white.

”My mom.”

The first thing you needed to know about Achilles was that you were never to mention his mom. They had that thing in common, the two of them, and it only made it even more difficult for him to continue. ”Why?” He finally asked, his voice only trembling a little.

Achilles took a deep breath, as if to gather the courage he needed to answer. Achilles was the bravest person Pat knew, and to see him in this position broke his heart. It seemed as if Achilles was made out of glass, and even the smallest crack would break him into a thousand pieces.

”Because she wants me to be perfect. I’m supposed to be athletic and popular and just being decent isn’t even an option. It’s like she’s pulling all these strings to make me act the way she wants me to, and the worst thing is that I actually do as she says. I… I just don’t want to be a disappointment I guess. I mean, the track team isn’t even that bad, and besides, I’m god at it. So I really don’t know why I’m making such a big deal out of it.”

Pat knew what it was like to be a disappointment. To everyday have to hear from his own father how he weren’t smart enough, athletic enough, and how his mother would be ashamed of him if she was still alive. That stuff hurt, like a thousand needles slowly piercing through your heart bit by bit. It hurt so much that he could no longer bear to stay at home, that he had to get as far away from his hometown as his money could take him.

Maybe he was a disappointment after all. All his life he’d always just blended in somewhere in the middle. He weren’t really anything special, there’s no point in denying that. But he was happy, and he was true to himself. After all, that was all that really mattered.

He just hoped that he’d be able to get Achilles to see that as well.

”I hate the way this is going to sound, but I think I know what you’re going through.” Pat began, wanting to wrap his arms around Achilles to stop him from trembling so badly, but he didn’t quite find the courage to do so. ”I tried… I tried so hard to be the person that my dad wanted me to be, but it never worked. Because you just can’t live your life trying to be someone that you’re not, it just doesn’t work like that. I-I lost everything that I had because I was no longer able to continue to pretend, but I don’t regret it. I never would have met you if I didn’t, would I?" Achilles managed to smile that beautiful smile that Pat could never get enough of, and he felt as if he was finally doing something right.

”You got a heart that sings Achilles, and that is worth more than anything else in the entire world. Never forget that, okay?”

And since Achilles had always been the braver of the two of them, it was him that finally closed the gap between them by wrapping his arms around Pat’s shoulders and pressing their lips together. The kiss was far from perfect, it was clumsy and Pat didn’t really understand what’d happened until it was already over.

But Pat wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

They were still tightly embracing each other as a silent way of telling one another that they felt the same, and even more importantly: to tell each other that things were going to be okay. Pat felt so incomprehensibly happy, because he’d wanted this so badly, and it made him finally feel whole. They remained like that for a long time, safely wrapped in each other’s arms.

Well, that was until Achilles opened his mouth and the ice underneath them cracked for one last time.

”Thank you Patroclus.”

Pat froze, and accidentally pushed Achilles away in surprise. Achilles froze as well, as he slowly came to realize what he’d said. It felt as if time itself stopped for a moment, as well as the beating of his heart. It’s funny how much damage a little sentence can do, and how fast it can make things change.

”How do you know my full name?” Pat asked, his mind frantically trying to piece all the threads together.

Achilles swore quietly as he once again began to nervously run his fingers through his now very messy hair. Pat felt as if his head had completely broken now, because way too much had happened during the latest hour. But as the insight slowly began to settle, he couldn’t help but think that this was nothing more than a dream because there was no way… it was no way that Achilles could possibly…

Achilles interrupted his thoughts as he anxiously began: ”This is going to sound really weird, but I think that we might have known each other in a…”

”…previous life.” Pat finished, still feeling as if he was in a state of shock. He had finally managed to put the pieces of his Déjà vus together and when he looked back at it, it’d been clear from the very beginning. He slowly began to ease, and the world was once again moving. It seemed as if Achilles was just as relieved as Pat by the revelation, because he was letting all his tension escape in the form of laughter. It didn’t take long before they’d once again found their way into each other’s arms, this time not even letting go when Achilles guitar fell down from the bed and hit the floor with a loud thud.

 

* * *

 

 

Sometimes change happens for a reason, and even if there’s still a lot of struggles and challenges that you need to go through in life, things are always a little easier when you have someone by your side. Especially if you’d spent lifetimes trying to find the said person.

When or how they’d met in their previous lives, they never really figured out. But they didn’t really care. They had each other now, and for them that was all that mattered.

One thing he knew for sure though was that he never wanted to let Achilles go, not when it’d taken them so long to find each other. He’d follow him to the furthest mountain, and stay by his side through the toughest times, because he knew that Achilles would so the same for him. And, when their time was up, he’d follow him into the dark.

Because he knew that they’d meet each other again on the other side.

After all, it’d already happened once.

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea how the american school system works, please don't come for me


End file.
